


Words that I (don't) wish I could take back

by jello12451



Series: Misc MCYT Oneshot Collection [3]
Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Again, Angst, Gen, Post January 6th, Regret, Sad boi hours, prompt: regret
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-14
Updated: 2021-01-14
Packaged: 2021-03-18 10:41:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,069
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28741935
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jello12451/pseuds/jello12451
Summary: Tommy stared at the flickering flames in the fireplace. He could hear Tubbo shifting behind him, awkwardly preparing dinner in silence, but at the same time, all he could hear were his own words.OR: Tommy regrets.
Relationships: Technoblade & TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Toby Smith | Tubbo & TommyInnit
Series: Misc MCYT Oneshot Collection [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2107116
Comments: 12
Kudos: 133





	Words that I (don't) wish I could take back

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt taken from BlueQuills' server for the little weekly writing thing :)

_ Sometimes, you don’t get to be the hero. _

Tommy stared at the flickering flames in the fireplace. He could hear Tubbo shifting behind him, awkwardly preparing dinner in silence, but at the same time, all he could hear were his own words.

It was a silent night. 

That’s unusual in and of itself. Wherever Tommy goes, noise and chaos always follows. Yes, it’s chaos, and yes, it can get annoying, but it’s lively and cheerful nonetheless. The silence is calming, but it’s also a reason for sadness. 

Especially when it follows the boisterous Tommyinnit.

It’s to be expected. After all, L’Manburg is gone. One of the only homes that Tommy has ever known is reduced to rubble, and a smoking crater stands in its place. L’Mantree has been burnt along with it. 

He can still hear the screech of the withers, the explosions of TNT, and feel the unadulterated  _ rage _ at seeing his fa- at seeing Phil and Techno on the same side as Dream. 

He can still hear every argument he’s had with Technoblade.

_ Wilbur- Wilbur. We have the  _ **_blade._ **

The mere memory of his dead brother still hurts him.

_ You never thought of me as a friend! You’ve always seen me as the  _ **_blade_ ** _ \- that’s all I was to you! You used me, Tommy- I was only ever a weapon for you to wield! _

He refuses to feel regret at the words of a murderer.

(He pointedly ignores how Techno looked close to tears, and how betrayed his expression was when Tommy chose to stand by Tubbo’s side.)

(He does not think about the emotion in Techno’s voice.)

(He does not think about how he’s only ever called him The Blade, ever since L’Manburg has been founded.)

_ You betrayed me! You shot Tubbo at the festival- you blew up L’Manburg, calling me Theseus and unleashing two withers even after Wilbur had blown everything up! As soon as we’d won, you’d turned against us! _

The argument was shouted across two crumbling platforms, a far cry from the proud nation L’Manburg had once been. Tommy was armourless with nothing but his (Techno’s) turtle helmet, Tubbo with only his suit by his side.

_ DON’T SPEAK TO ME OF LOYALTY! YOU BETRAYED  _ **_ME_ ** _ , TOMMY- YOU BUILT A GOVERNMENT IN FRONT OF ME! I TOLD YOU HOW I THOUGHT- I TOLD YOU FOR MONTHS, TOMMY!  _

He  _ refuses _ to feel regret at the words of a traitor.

(He does not think about the turtle helmet sitting on the table in front of him.)

(He very carefully does not think about the disappointment in Phil’s eyes when he catches them on top of the TNT contraptions.)

(He consciously avoids thinking about the fact that he knew that Techno has always been an anarchist, and yet he chose to build a government in front of Technoblade’s eyes anyway.)

_ People are above the government! _

Tommy stops lying to himself. He regrets.

_ I AM A PERSON, TOMMY! _

Because as ashamed as he is to admit it, he said that sentence implying exclusion of Technoblade. 

_ The discs- those were what we were fighting for- _

Those  _ stupid _ discs, both in Dream’s hands. 

_ DISCS AREN’T PEOPLE, TOMMY! _

They aren’t. They really aren’t. 

_ The stupid discs were worth more to me than you ever were! _

Tubbo’s hurt expression, gaping at him as he processes his words in the watery pit that is below what used to be the community house. 

_ I listened to you for WEEKS! And what did you do? You went back to Tubbo, the guy that  _ **_exiled_ ** _ you! _

He can’t go on like this.

“Tommy?”

Tommy startles at the hand on his shoulder, and sees his eyes reflected in Tubbo’s. “Are you okay?”

Tommy breathes in shallowly, then exhales, grounding himself. “Is that even a question?”

Tubbo doesn’t respond.

Dinner is quiet. They don’t have anything but some steak from cows they’ve killed and some wheat they made into bread after raiding a nearby village. None of them talk to each other until they’re curled up in their bedrolls, trying to sleep.

Without turning around to face Tubbo, Tommy breaks the silence.

“Tubbo, do you regret?”

He can hear Tubbo shifting slightly. “What do you mean?”

“Do you regret… anything, really?”

Tubbo hums. 

There’s a few beats of silence.

“Yeah. Yeah I do.”

Tommy blinks some of his tears back. He’s  _ not _ crying. “Really?”

“Yeah.” Tubbo sounds like he’s mumbling now. “You know, the whole exiling you thing? That’s a thing I regret. Sometimes I regret trying to execute Technoblade. Sometimes I regret putting Phil under house arrest. Sometimes I regret becoming president.”

Tommy stares at the wall. He knows Tubbo is doing the same.

“Sometimes I regret joining L’Manburg, Tommy.”

There are a few silent tears making a trek down Tommy’s face now, and he rubs them away. “Do you regret giving Dream mellohi?”

Silence.

“No.”

Tommy’s surprised and relieved all at once, but keeps his tone carefully neutral. “Why?”

Tubbo chuckles a bit to himself. Neither of them have turned around to face each other yet. “Well, it gives us something to continue on for, right?”

“You could argue that if you hadn’t given it to Dream, L’Manburg could still be rebuilt.” Tommy counters weakly, although they both know the argument is all bones.

“You could. But the question is, do people want to rebuild L’Manburg?”

Tommy does not respond.

Tubbo exhales. “Yeah, I regret. I regret being president and bringing down L’Manburg so much, lowering it to such standards that we could not defend ourselves. To the point where we don’t even want to rebuild it anymore.”

“It’s gone now, isn’t it.” Tommy knows the answer, and he chokes a bit on his words. Tubbo does not comment.

More silence stretches between them.

At some point, Tubbo’s breaths even out, and Tommy deems it safe to roll onto his back, staring up at the wood ceiling and feeling the dirt under the bedroll. There are a few groans coming from zombies, a few rattles of the skeletons, and the occasional spider hissing, but that’s not what’s keeping him awake.

_ It’s gone now, isn’t it? _

L’Manburg’s his home, his unfinished symphony.

_ MY L’MANBURG, PHIL. MY UNFINISHED SYMPHONY, FOREVER UNFINISHED. IF I CAN’T HAVE IT NO ONE CAN, PHIL! _

Maybe it wasn’t meant to be finished.

_ It was never meant to be. _

Maybe it really wasn’t meant to be.

_ Sometimes, you don’t get to be the hero. _

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote an Arctic Anarchists theme:  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1cKMf03QWW8
> 
> Anyway join my discord server:  
> https://discord.gg/HwbkW8jqrf  
> Dream SMP Musical YEET:  
> https://linktr.ee/Name404


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